“Life is meant to be shared. We need each other.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita
Even though it sounds awkward, but speaking the truth, fighting is sometimes necessary in every relationship. In short, it is a necessary part of every healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship and you always happen to find that you guys are always fighting (not the kind you break each other’s head and shatter furniture in the house!) and making up as quickly as possible, consider it a blessing indeed. The truth is, your partner is not just your bed mate but also your friend, and if friends, fighting is very necessary to keep a healthy relationship.
Why would I say such a thing?
Well, take for instance the kind of friends we had as children growing up in the neighborhood. They were always (always) so close and dear to us. We didn’t keep secrets from them; we shared everything we had (except for the guys and girls we didn’t like off course). Our friendship was always better after every fight. No! You aren’t going to deny that. I don’t know for you but for mine, it always grew stronger and deeper after every fight and make up and we will always try new things together just to show we have made up.
The fighting times I always consider them to be the times when we purge our minds of the exhaustion of a long and smooth time which was slowly turning into boredom. No more excitements. Nothing brought us any closer. This may sound odd though, but fighting is necessary for a healthy relationship.
What kind of fighting? Off course, am going to explain!
The kind of fighting I mean here are not the kinds where we throw punches (whether by hand or harsh words of mouth) but the kind we always find ourselves when we have little disagreements and want so badly to get our meaning across to our partner. We actually want them to know how we feel inside. That’s the kind of fighting am talking about.
However, in order to keep the fighting in your relationship beneficial, there are some “dos” and “don’ts” we should do our best to try to adhere to. Remember, you are in that relationship because you know you have something to offer that makes your partners life better, which should be the primary purpose for every relationship. If it’s not, you better think again!
Here are some of them:
Don’t Include Mockery
Argument can be exhausting and frustrating, but let there be nothing that makes you want to impersonate your partner in order to hurt them the more. Avoid making any mockery gestures, or using a derisive tone of voice to talk. All this will only make matters worse. Some people are very fun of singing and clapping in the midst of an argument, this is very wrong. Don’t try to make fun of your partner, or try to boo him using his weakness or shortcoming as a stand point. It will crush their soul.
Don’t Threaten. Don’t Intimidate
Fighting gives you no rights to intimidate or threaten your partner. This is very often so with men, but women can do same too. Even in the heat of an argument, this should never be an option as coming to think of it after the fight is always very bitter and painful, as you only got what you wanted out the argument because you choose to threaten. No one likes being threatened; it kills the spirit of love in a relationship. Some people go as far as picking knives and sticks, no! This should not be. It will always lead to the worst.
Don’t Bring Up The Past
Don’t be fond of using lines of what happened in the past during an argument because this often means that you never did forgive and forget it. Keep the past out of the argument. This always hurt so bad as they will also be forced to think of the past with us. You will realize that if you brood over matters of the past in present argument, the real issue at hand won’t be touched not to speak of being fixed. Keep the past out of the present! You should be moving forward not backwards.
Don’t Generalize
This is a part where many couples fail during an argument. Just because he/she has gone wrong once or maybe then doesn’t mean you should use that as a yard stick for measuring everything else that results in argument. Using lines like, “you are always…” doesn’t sound so right. Over generalizing the topic and making things bigger than they appear always leads nowhere in an argument. That you are complaining about not getting enough assistance around the house doesn’t mean you should say they are not helping in “anyway”, that will mean you are never observant of the things your partner did right.
Exempt Personal Attacks
It is very unacceptable when we tend to use personal attacks and dish out insults on our partner during an argument. Women do this a lot! But some men too! You are headed for a no man’s land when you tend to use personal attacks on your partner. The problem you are having is with your partner’s behavior not his person. It’s worth while being able to separate this two. So the saying goes, “do not wash your dirty linens outside”. No matter how angry or hurt you are, control the thing you say in an argument.
Look out for the Do's Of Fighting In A Relationship.
